One of my wonderful acquaintances asked me that. Being the simpleton that I am sometimes, I began to rattle off what I perceived the answer to that question to be. Us males are generally "fixers", and so we find in a question like that an opportunity to fix. What I did not perceive was the asker didnt want to know what was truly broken about them, and so my earnest attempt to make things better backfired into a small atomic reaction that to this day is still having fallout. But it got me thinking...Whats wrong with ME!
I have come to the conclusion that my mind is much more deceptive than I realized. It fools others at times, but it seems to fool me all the time. It hides motives, steers me from the truth, rationalizes perfectly good behavior into shameful actions I dare not speak of. It teaches me to hide, to lie, to embelish, and generally do things I shouldnt do...all under the guise of I need to do them to maintain the facade of what I think I should be doing to keep society happy.
Now heres the deal...when someone points out a fault with me... they must be right because why do I get so defensive and offended? You see deep down inside, I know im not right....which is why I try so hard to hide it from you! Oh wretched man that I am... what do I do to escape this mental prison. Because my fear is I am only aware of about 10% of whats wrong....this earthly mind is hiding 90% from me and has built large walls of self protection and rationalization as strong defenses to keep it that way.
So Im going to give up self protection for 40 days. Im going to exclude rationalization for the next 40 days. Im going to open up my ears to hear what is wrong about me, without building a mental attack to defend it.
If you read this...you would be doing me a kindness to help me with the defects of character I suffer from. I am asking others I know to share with me anything they can think that might make me a better person. I would consider it an act of love on ones part to be honest with me. I can only promise I will listen, and my only response to what is written or said will be "thank you...I will look at that". You see Im a person who needs help, far from being self sufficient, I need people. I probably suffer delusions about myself in this world several times a day. Think about it this way.... if you were walking around with something hanging out of your nose, and you didnt know it was there....wouldn't you want someone to tell you before you went through the whole day like that? I'm looking for someone to hand me a tissue, and give me the high sign. Peace......
I have come to the conclusion that my mind is much more deceptive than I realized. It fools others at times, but it seems to fool me all the time. It hides motives, steers me from the truth, rationalizes perfectly good behavior into shameful actions I dare not speak of. It teaches me to hide, to lie, to embelish, and generally do things I shouldnt do...all under the guise of I need to do them to maintain the facade of what I think I should be doing to keep society happy.
Now heres the deal...when someone points out a fault with me... they must be right because why do I get so defensive and offended? You see deep down inside, I know im not right....which is why I try so hard to hide it from you! Oh wretched man that I am... what do I do to escape this mental prison. Because my fear is I am only aware of about 10% of whats wrong....this earthly mind is hiding 90% from me and has built large walls of self protection and rationalization as strong defenses to keep it that way.
So Im going to give up self protection for 40 days. Im going to exclude rationalization for the next 40 days. Im going to open up my ears to hear what is wrong about me, without building a mental attack to defend it.
If you read this...you would be doing me a kindness to help me with the defects of character I suffer from. I am asking others I know to share with me anything they can think that might make me a better person. I would consider it an act of love on ones part to be honest with me. I can only promise I will listen, and my only response to what is written or said will be "thank you...I will look at that". You see Im a person who needs help, far from being self sufficient, I need people. I probably suffer delusions about myself in this world several times a day. Think about it this way.... if you were walking around with something hanging out of your nose, and you didnt know it was there....wouldn't you want someone to tell you before you went through the whole day like that? I'm looking for someone to hand me a tissue, and give me the high sign. Peace......
Great Blog A-1..Thanks for inviting me in:-)
ReplyDeleteIts great having you on board! Good stuff last night. Sherryl, you're the bomb! Im looking forward to reading your input...peace
ReplyDelete