I read a post yesterday about the elect of God. Basically the post leaned heavily on predestination as salvations way. It is a philosophy I wrestle with. It seems to bring so many characteristics to God that I cant seem to fit into my view of Him. But also I must confess that while I have ideas of the way God is...it may be more of the way I think He should be.
My picture of God is that one where He is merciful, compassionate, caring, not looking for His pound of flesh. He is constantly seeking all of His creation out, and that He wills none to perish. The idea that some are created for doom and an eternity frying in hell does not find place in my view of God. As a matter of fact I find myself somewhat repulsed by this idea. You see if He is that way then there must be a mean streak in Him that contaminates my view.
The jews were God's special people. God said he had chosen them and gave them many promises and blessings that went along with that decision. But in their knowledge of being special there seems to have come an arrogance with it. They seemed to elevate themselves above the samaritans and a host of other folks who werent born into "the club" They graduated to a place of superiority over others because they were born into it, yet reveled in the arrogance of their birth. Then they thought themselves more righteous, and gifted, and with that came the right to dismiss others thoughts, perceptions, and lives simply because they werent the same.
All of this seems contrary to how I see God. Yet I see people today who do the same thing because people are different from them in one way or another. The danger in this is discounting someone else because of this arrogance. Rationalizing not giving them our best because they are not valuable. Not loving them as I love myself because through all that rationalization, the underlying truth is I think im better than them.
God draws near to the humble, but opposes the proud.....I have been told that humility is the ability to see oneself in a very accurate light. I want to be "elect" but I cant stand the "exclusion" that comes with it. If Jesus died for all.....doesnt that make us all elect? And if we all are "elect" than there really is no such thing. I believe God has people He has work for them to do...but I believe that applys to all of us....and to say one has a more special work than another leads again to pride and arrogance. My work is not any worse, or better than another, My sin is not any worse or better than another, but my attitude, my humility, and my thoughts are up to me... and I have to be careful to not take pride in even these things. It really helps me to love people when I can see them with value, and not overrate myself.....peace.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Shifting Sand
Someone asked me why I havent written on my blog in awhile. I told them Ive been busy, but promised them I would write again. They say they like to read some of my blogs because I write from the heart. Thats a good thing when life is good, but as I think about it I realize ive been putting off looking at my feelings because life right now is not as it should be.
I saw on CNN where they announced the recession was over last week. I couldnt help but wonder about that when my friend, his wife, and their three children were removed from their home they have owned for 20 years by sheriffs hired by the bank. They keep saying its gonna be ok, but my eyes see it differently. Its hard to know what to trust these days. I am a conservative person. Through the years of my life I have formed certain beliefs that have guided my decisions in life. I have followed my parents teachings and made many of them my own. I have listened to my friends and pondered their truth, some of it I recieve, and some of it I reject. I have had life experiences that have taught me the way to go, and I walk in that. I have studied the bible which is inspired completely by God, this I believe to be true. The mistake in this is the translation sometimes of what God was actually saying. Perception can be a good, and a bad thing.
I turned 50 this year. I cant help but wonder how I got here. I was much more sure of myself when I was 30, and 40, but at 50 the sands are shifting. What used to be so secure in bedrock is now fragile and floating in the air. My hipocracy jumps out at me as a possible reason why much of my plan is failing. I am feeling lost when before I was so sure of where I was. Its funny, I always thought as you get older you become more stable...and while I try to present that personna, the reality is Im not so sure what is right anymore. I see the hypocracy in that.
I am somewhat surprised at how my heart seems to have waxed cold. I lost a good friend recently, it was tragic and sad....but when I came home I just sat on the couch and watched tv. I watch too much tv because I dont have to think when I watch tv. I dont like to think because Im not sure what to think about alot of things.
While God is pouring out His Spirit on people all around me, I feel pretty dry spiritually. I am somewhat underwhelmed by my spiritual accomplishments. My faith is a sad portrait of what this walk is percieved to be. It is a source of more hypocracy. I look at my self indulgence, and wonder where my self control went. And my motivation to change appears to have left with my self control. Am I losing the battle after all this time?
I guess the saddest thing is no one really knows. Somehow through my hypocracy Ive trapped myself. I was taught growing up to "power through" the hard times, and not too complain about them. Men were tough, and real men dont think such thoughts as I am writing here.
Maybe thats why the sand is shifting, because I built my house on the sand, and now that the storms are here my house is coming apart. Its just a theory, I honestly couldnt tell you what is really happening. Maybe its as simple as I dont really know anything, and I thought I was so smart. More hypocracy in that I guess. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, maybe tomorrow will bring new life....tomorrow....I thank God for tomorrows, this too will pass....but to be honest my friend I feel lost in all this. I feel like I am losing myself, and I cant seem to find who I used to be, or at least thought who I was. Does that make sense? You see my friend, I havent blogged from the heart because I dont like whats coming from it right now. I am feeling very empty inside.......As pink floyd so eloquently out it....."hello,.. hello,... hello,... is there anybody in there?"
I saw on CNN where they announced the recession was over last week. I couldnt help but wonder about that when my friend, his wife, and their three children were removed from their home they have owned for 20 years by sheriffs hired by the bank. They keep saying its gonna be ok, but my eyes see it differently. Its hard to know what to trust these days. I am a conservative person. Through the years of my life I have formed certain beliefs that have guided my decisions in life. I have followed my parents teachings and made many of them my own. I have listened to my friends and pondered their truth, some of it I recieve, and some of it I reject. I have had life experiences that have taught me the way to go, and I walk in that. I have studied the bible which is inspired completely by God, this I believe to be true. The mistake in this is the translation sometimes of what God was actually saying. Perception can be a good, and a bad thing.
I turned 50 this year. I cant help but wonder how I got here. I was much more sure of myself when I was 30, and 40, but at 50 the sands are shifting. What used to be so secure in bedrock is now fragile and floating in the air. My hipocracy jumps out at me as a possible reason why much of my plan is failing. I am feeling lost when before I was so sure of where I was. Its funny, I always thought as you get older you become more stable...and while I try to present that personna, the reality is Im not so sure what is right anymore. I see the hypocracy in that.
I am somewhat surprised at how my heart seems to have waxed cold. I lost a good friend recently, it was tragic and sad....but when I came home I just sat on the couch and watched tv. I watch too much tv because I dont have to think when I watch tv. I dont like to think because Im not sure what to think about alot of things.
While God is pouring out His Spirit on people all around me, I feel pretty dry spiritually. I am somewhat underwhelmed by my spiritual accomplishments. My faith is a sad portrait of what this walk is percieved to be. It is a source of more hypocracy. I look at my self indulgence, and wonder where my self control went. And my motivation to change appears to have left with my self control. Am I losing the battle after all this time?
I guess the saddest thing is no one really knows. Somehow through my hypocracy Ive trapped myself. I was taught growing up to "power through" the hard times, and not too complain about them. Men were tough, and real men dont think such thoughts as I am writing here.
Maybe thats why the sand is shifting, because I built my house on the sand, and now that the storms are here my house is coming apart. Its just a theory, I honestly couldnt tell you what is really happening. Maybe its as simple as I dont really know anything, and I thought I was so smart. More hypocracy in that I guess. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, maybe tomorrow will bring new life....tomorrow....I thank God for tomorrows, this too will pass....but to be honest my friend I feel lost in all this. I feel like I am losing myself, and I cant seem to find who I used to be, or at least thought who I was. Does that make sense? You see my friend, I havent blogged from the heart because I dont like whats coming from it right now. I am feeling very empty inside.......As pink floyd so eloquently out it....."hello,.. hello,... hello,... is there anybody in there?"
Monday, February 8, 2010
Seasons
I feel im coming to an end of a season in my life. It has been an awesome time for me, and ive learned much from this season. It has changed me much from the inside, and has given me tremendous joy. It could be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It has been some of my greatest struggle...and some victory. It has been a season of pain...emotional pain that at times I thought would overwhelm me. It has also been sprinkled with breakthrough and joy....almost perfectly timed to get me to the next step. This season has taught me that I can do things I didn't think I could.....and also there are things I shouldn't do that I did. It has been a season of courageous activity, and cowardly hiding. It has been a season of seven years, yet moment by moment. In it I have witnessed much about death, and yet received glimpses of life, and life abundantly. I have seen the enemy appear to win, only to find out he didnt....and his loss was a crushing blow due to the timing of God's victory. In this season I have seen the denial of God to the last breath....such arrogant pride and rebellion that becomes a fortress of denial stronger than any structure that exists I am aware of. I have watched saints go to heaven, and sinners go to hell. The dying process of a person be a beautiful process....and another person be one of the most horrific things I have ever witnessed. I have watched God guard his faithful to the end...and I have seen God reach out to some to the very end, only to be denied.
I think the season I have been through has disrupted me, and yet has solidified me in so many ways. I watch as people debate back and forth, given the freedom of free will. I have watched as they strive to make their interpretation truth for all, sometimes truth for one is enough. Important things have become trivial in this season, and yet other things have become so important. I have seen my best thinking come to nothing, and in that happening God's word proven so true, right down to the last comma and exclamation mark.
I entered this season a young man, and in ways I now feel so old. Yet in this season He has made my old to be new, surrounded me with hopelessness, and then filled my heart with faith. I have been run over with my theology, only to be lifted up and start fresh again. This season has seen such failure...and yet I never knew such success existed.
In the end...I think its hard to let go...we get so used to a certain thing that we hang on to it until the very end because we think it has become a part of who we are. I heard someone say the saddest thing you will ever see is a person trying to live out a season that God has ended a long time ago. But I know if God is ending this season, its because He has a new thing for me...and I want to be in His season...not mine. So God...have Your way, because I know your plans for me are good, and in that I do trust...I give you permission to change my life.
I think the season I have been through has disrupted me, and yet has solidified me in so many ways. I watch as people debate back and forth, given the freedom of free will. I have watched as they strive to make their interpretation truth for all, sometimes truth for one is enough. Important things have become trivial in this season, and yet other things have become so important. I have seen my best thinking come to nothing, and in that happening God's word proven so true, right down to the last comma and exclamation mark.
I entered this season a young man, and in ways I now feel so old. Yet in this season He has made my old to be new, surrounded me with hopelessness, and then filled my heart with faith. I have been run over with my theology, only to be lifted up and start fresh again. This season has seen such failure...and yet I never knew such success existed.
In the end...I think its hard to let go...we get so used to a certain thing that we hang on to it until the very end because we think it has become a part of who we are. I heard someone say the saddest thing you will ever see is a person trying to live out a season that God has ended a long time ago. But I know if God is ending this season, its because He has a new thing for me...and I want to be in His season...not mine. So God...have Your way, because I know your plans for me are good, and in that I do trust...I give you permission to change my life.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Whats Important?
I've been having fun lately. I have been expressing my opinions lately. I have been loud and clear...for a normally quiet person...very loud. I got an email from a man named John Shelby Spong. He is a leader in a large denomination of church folk, and carries the title of bishop. He got a letter from someone who stated that looking at the christmas story in the bible was no longer possible given their intellect. That as a "progressive christian" they could not reconcile what was in the bible with their intellect when it comes to the christmas story.
Bishop Spong responded with the answer that the bible cant be taken literally. That virgin births do not happen. That stars dont move across the sky slowly. That wise men do not follow stars to a manger. That angels do not appear to lowly shepherds to announce good tidings. That pregnant women do not ride on donkeys, and that there was no census by the romans. That God's son would be born in a manger is not to be taken literal. That no leader would have children two years and under killed to remove competition. He goes on to ridicule the story to such an extent that he questions the intellect and sanity of anyone who would believe such nonsense.
I guess im crazy, and dumb, because I believe God can make a star move slowly across the night sky to guide wise men to a manger where a virgin birth occurs. I believe angels can appear to shepherds to announce this occurrence. I believe the whole story. I believe in the integrity of the bible, and that God can do anything to achieve His purpose. I also believe people abandon the truth for a lie.
It saddens me because the power of the gospel is lost in this. Jesus said some amazing things would happen if we believe. If our bishops are reducing the gospel to a "cute story" that is only metaphor and illusion, written by mere men to try to get a positive attitude from the reader then I am in trouble. You see the good bishop goes on to say that people dont get raised from the dead. That demons dont exist, only mental illness. That sick people dont get healed, and captives are just disorders in a person that should be treated with medicine. Not only does he deny the truth of the gospel, but he denies the power of it also.
The bible says that people will think themselves to be wise and in doing so will become fools. It also says "the way of a fool seems right to him." I cannot deviate from God's word...in any fashion. I have already gone my "way" and it did not go well for me. I do not claim to understand all of the bible, but I choose to believe it, all of it; and not try to rationalize it away so that I can claim to be a man with the answer. In doing so, according to the good bishop, that makes me naive, and of no use to "the church".
Bishop Spong responded with the answer that the bible cant be taken literally. That virgin births do not happen. That stars dont move across the sky slowly. That wise men do not follow stars to a manger. That angels do not appear to lowly shepherds to announce good tidings. That pregnant women do not ride on donkeys, and that there was no census by the romans. That God's son would be born in a manger is not to be taken literal. That no leader would have children two years and under killed to remove competition. He goes on to ridicule the story to such an extent that he questions the intellect and sanity of anyone who would believe such nonsense.
I guess im crazy, and dumb, because I believe God can make a star move slowly across the night sky to guide wise men to a manger where a virgin birth occurs. I believe angels can appear to shepherds to announce this occurrence. I believe the whole story. I believe in the integrity of the bible, and that God can do anything to achieve His purpose. I also believe people abandon the truth for a lie.
It saddens me because the power of the gospel is lost in this. Jesus said some amazing things would happen if we believe. If our bishops are reducing the gospel to a "cute story" that is only metaphor and illusion, written by mere men to try to get a positive attitude from the reader then I am in trouble. You see the good bishop goes on to say that people dont get raised from the dead. That demons dont exist, only mental illness. That sick people dont get healed, and captives are just disorders in a person that should be treated with medicine. Not only does he deny the truth of the gospel, but he denies the power of it also.
The bible says that people will think themselves to be wise and in doing so will become fools. It also says "the way of a fool seems right to him." I cannot deviate from God's word...in any fashion. I have already gone my "way" and it did not go well for me. I do not claim to understand all of the bible, but I choose to believe it, all of it; and not try to rationalize it away so that I can claim to be a man with the answer. In doing so, according to the good bishop, that makes me naive, and of no use to "the church".
Friday, December 4, 2009
Graduation
Im doing a funeral today. I have mixed feelings about it so as I blog this might not make alot of sense. Sometimes to work out these feelings I will write....sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt. My friend Marty is a new convert. He had a spiritual awakening about two months ago. God did a miracle in his life and got him out of a tough situation. We had prayed for God to intervene and God exceeded our expectations. Ever since then Marty has been attending church, reading his bible, and growing in the Lord. It really blesses my heart to see it.
Last week he called, frantic and upset. His mother had a stroke, and was on life support. The doctors called it a massive stroke and it appeared that she would not regain conciousness. They said if she did she would probably be in a vegetative state...alas all hope seemed to be gone. Marty asked me what to do.... i replied pray...pray hard and ask God to heal her. I had prayed for her heart about 6 months ago when she was having heart problems and she had been blessed by the Lord, so now it was time to pray some more.
Marty prayed, and he prayed, and he prayed. After three days his mom actually showed some slight improvement and was communicating with others by squeezing their hands. Then just as suddenly she lost all brain activity, slipped into a coma, and died the next day.
My heart hurts for Marty...I see the confusion in him. I see the disappointment, and the hurt, and I cant help but wonder what he is thinking. When God says no, and you dont expect it, and He says no in such a critical time.....sometimes its hard to swallow.
So today im going to talk about it. Im going to try and encourage, give hope, reiterate the importance of being ready for such a day....but im feeling very hollow about the whole thing. The truth is for us left behind its a very painful time, and sometimes its difficult grasping the God of all comfort.
100 years from now, none of this will matter. God's word will reign just as it does now, I will see it clearly then. There will be no more suffering, no more tears, no more pain. Marty will be with his mom...ill be with mine, and we will be with God. Jesus will explain things to me I didnt understand, ill probably see I suffered mentally because of my lack of understanding. The truth is Marty's mom graduated to heaven.....I can see her in her cap and gown, waving at me with her diploma in hand as she walks into the arms of the Father. Im happy for her....but for some reason im still sad inside....maybe im thinking more about myself then i should....peace.
Last week he called, frantic and upset. His mother had a stroke, and was on life support. The doctors called it a massive stroke and it appeared that she would not regain conciousness. They said if she did she would probably be in a vegetative state...alas all hope seemed to be gone. Marty asked me what to do.... i replied pray...pray hard and ask God to heal her. I had prayed for her heart about 6 months ago when she was having heart problems and she had been blessed by the Lord, so now it was time to pray some more.
Marty prayed, and he prayed, and he prayed. After three days his mom actually showed some slight improvement and was communicating with others by squeezing their hands. Then just as suddenly she lost all brain activity, slipped into a coma, and died the next day.
My heart hurts for Marty...I see the confusion in him. I see the disappointment, and the hurt, and I cant help but wonder what he is thinking. When God says no, and you dont expect it, and He says no in such a critical time.....sometimes its hard to swallow.
So today im going to talk about it. Im going to try and encourage, give hope, reiterate the importance of being ready for such a day....but im feeling very hollow about the whole thing. The truth is for us left behind its a very painful time, and sometimes its difficult grasping the God of all comfort.
100 years from now, none of this will matter. God's word will reign just as it does now, I will see it clearly then. There will be no more suffering, no more tears, no more pain. Marty will be with his mom...ill be with mine, and we will be with God. Jesus will explain things to me I didnt understand, ill probably see I suffered mentally because of my lack of understanding. The truth is Marty's mom graduated to heaven.....I can see her in her cap and gown, waving at me with her diploma in hand as she walks into the arms of the Father. Im happy for her....but for some reason im still sad inside....maybe im thinking more about myself then i should....peace.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Self Examination
This morning I am speaking on 2 corinthians 13:5. It states "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is really genuine. Test yourselves. If you cannot tell that Jesus Christ is among you, it means you have failed the test. New living translation.
Jesus among us...what does that look like? The bible states Jesus said He was the exact representation of the Father...The Father states He is God....God states He is love. This word love is where it gets confusing. Paul states clearly what love is in 1 cor 13:4-8.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous
Love is not boastful
Love is not proud
Love is not rude
Love does not demand its own way
Love is not irritable
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love is never glad about injustice
Love rejoices when the truth wins out
Love never gives up
Love never loses faith
Love is always hopeful
Love endures through every circumstance
Love lasts forever
Its a formidable list to say the least. A list that makes me see just how far away I am from where I need to be. A list that almost overwhelms me when I compare it to the state my heart really is in. Last night as I was working on this lesson I had to go in my room, plop down face first on my bed and just cry out to God because I saw how short I was on love. As I looked at the list through tears in my eyes...suddenly that small voice in my head began to talk to me. It said "wait a minute....who is love?"
Me: "You are love"
Him: "Do you believe that?"
Me: "Yes"
Him: "Are you sure"
Me: "You say you are"
Him: "Do you believe that?"
Me: "Yes I do.'
Him: "Why are you crying then?"
Me: "This list overwhelms me! I cant do it!"
Him: "Do you want to know a secret?"
Me: (through sniffles and mildly curious) "Yeh"
Him: "Since I am love, replace the word "love" with "God".
Me: " Yeh"
Him " I love you"
Him "All better now?"
Me: "Yeh"
Jesus among us...what does that look like? The bible states Jesus said He was the exact representation of the Father...The Father states He is God....God states He is love. This word love is where it gets confusing. Paul states clearly what love is in 1 cor 13:4-8.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous
Love is not boastful
Love is not proud
Love is not rude
Love does not demand its own way
Love is not irritable
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love is never glad about injustice
Love rejoices when the truth wins out
Love never gives up
Love never loses faith
Love is always hopeful
Love endures through every circumstance
Love lasts forever
Its a formidable list to say the least. A list that makes me see just how far away I am from where I need to be. A list that almost overwhelms me when I compare it to the state my heart really is in. Last night as I was working on this lesson I had to go in my room, plop down face first on my bed and just cry out to God because I saw how short I was on love. As I looked at the list through tears in my eyes...suddenly that small voice in my head began to talk to me. It said "wait a minute....who is love?"
Me: "You are love"
Him: "Do you believe that?"
Me: "Yes"
Him: "Are you sure"
Me: "You say you are"
Him: "Do you believe that?"
Me: "Yes I do.'
Him: "Why are you crying then?"
Me: "This list overwhelms me! I cant do it!"
Him: "Do you want to know a secret?"
Me: (through sniffles and mildly curious) "Yeh"
Him: "Since I am love, replace the word "love" with "God".
Me: " Yeh"
Him " I love you"
Him "All better now?"
Me: "Yeh"
Monday, November 16, 2009
Re-inventing the wheel
I have noticed something new under the sun. It is a yearning for new truth and love within the circle of my christian friends. The characteristics of it are a remarkable tolerance for others, an acceptance of others in their beliefs and lifestyles, and a general feeling of cant we all just love one another and get along. In theory its a great attitude to encompass. My guess is the hope here is that once we have accepted all and love them, then one can sway the one who is loved to find the truth, which at this point is still up in the air. By that I mean what I am seeing has evolved past basic bible teaching to a higher learning.
Jesus gave us two commands...Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love is patient, kind,does not envy, does not boast,is not proud, is not rude,is not self seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails.
God also said in the last days men will be lovers of themselves...following different gospels, and forgetting His truths. I have attempted to use the gospel for truth in disagreements, but have been told in response that the gospel, while an interesting book, is flawed, and misinterpreted, and so I can not base my beliefs completely on it, as it is imperfect. The bible cannot be taken literally....so when it says certain people will not get into heaven, well it doesnt really mean that. When it tells us to snatch people from the fire....well how can we know for sure, and after all no one is going to tell us how to interpret scripture and in what way. We will do that for ourselves because that is what people who have evolved to a higher learning do... the old fashioned narrow minded cannot be trusted in this.
My biggest fear is people will go to hell. Because we wont confront in this new found love. We will stop calling sin sin (such a dirty word these days) and people who dont acknowledge Jesus as savoir will be ok with that because they are loved and tolerated right where they are at. Parents who spare the rod.....spoil the child, and the bible says they do so because they love themselves more than their child. While I am all for love...i still believe love is telling the truth, and I still believe truth is found in the bible....and that makes me old fashioned, out of touch, and archaic in my thinking......be honest now....for some of you it does.
Jesus gave us two commands...Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love is patient, kind,does not envy, does not boast,is not proud, is not rude,is not self seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails.
God also said in the last days men will be lovers of themselves...following different gospels, and forgetting His truths. I have attempted to use the gospel for truth in disagreements, but have been told in response that the gospel, while an interesting book, is flawed, and misinterpreted, and so I can not base my beliefs completely on it, as it is imperfect. The bible cannot be taken literally....so when it says certain people will not get into heaven, well it doesnt really mean that. When it tells us to snatch people from the fire....well how can we know for sure, and after all no one is going to tell us how to interpret scripture and in what way. We will do that for ourselves because that is what people who have evolved to a higher learning do... the old fashioned narrow minded cannot be trusted in this.
My biggest fear is people will go to hell. Because we wont confront in this new found love. We will stop calling sin sin (such a dirty word these days) and people who dont acknowledge Jesus as savoir will be ok with that because they are loved and tolerated right where they are at. Parents who spare the rod.....spoil the child, and the bible says they do so because they love themselves more than their child. While I am all for love...i still believe love is telling the truth, and I still believe truth is found in the bible....and that makes me old fashioned, out of touch, and archaic in my thinking......be honest now....for some of you it does.
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